Science reveals what happy couples do differently
Modern stresses certainly put a strain on all kinds of relationships. To successfully navigate rough patches, there’s one solution that doesn’t take therapy, money or any big life overhaul. The key is to slow down and truly appreciate what’s good – not alone, but with a significant other. It’s not just about sharing meaningful moments, but about fully feeling them and letting them continue. It could be drinking a glass of wine with a partner or reading a bedtime story to a child.
So happy together
A research team at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign in the United States found that couples who purposely pause and relive their good moments together as much as possible are happier, less likely to break up and have stronger faith in their future. The findings were published in the journal ‘Contemporary Family Therapy’(opens in new window). “Savoring involves slowing down to become aware of and focus on positive experiences,” commented first author Noah Larsen in a news release(opens in new window). “Savoring can occur when we reminisce on a past experience, focus on the present moment or look ahead to a future experience.” The researchers gathered responses from close to 600 American adults who were in romantic relationships. More than 85 % were married, roughly 10 % were engaged and the remaining ones were in committed dating partnerships. Participants had an average age of around 39, and slightly more than half were women. The volunteers responded to questions about how frequently they and their partners deliberately focused on positive moments in their relationship. They also reported on their relationship satisfaction, communication difficulties, stress levels, overall health and how confident they felt about the long-term future of their relationship. Although previous research has shown that savouring boosts individual happiness, this new study explored what happens when partners practice it together.
Love under pressure
“We found that joint savoring has the most benefits for romantic relationships, as well as secondary benefits for individuals’ health and well-being,” added Larsen. “When couples face greater stress, savoring can serve as a buffer, helping protect their confidence in their relationship and their mental health.” “Being able to identify factors that provide this type of buffering effect is important for marriage and romantic relationships, as they provide tangible things that couples can do to keep their relationship strong, even in the midst of heightened levels of stress,” explained co-author Allen Barton, an associate professor of human development and family studies. “We all are busy and have so many things going on in our day-to-day lives,” concluded Larsen. “Finding time — even just once a week — to slow down, be present with your partner and talk about positive experiences in your relationship or focus on something you both enjoy can really benefit you as a couple. That might be reminiscing about a memory from earlier in your relationship, enjoying a dinner together or talking about an upcoming event that you both are excited about. And if you are going through a stressful time, making time for these conversations can be especially important.”
